18 May 2011
lost bestfriend
I just found out he's on facebook. That's the only reason I'm joining it. I want to communicate with him again. I've just been too shy to do it by phone.
lost bestfriend
I haven't had contact with him in far too long (6 years I'm guessing). His family since last fall (my parents). But after a talk with my parents, I realized Rosemary Shannon is my best bet to find out about Penny. I was able to dig up some things, including their address.
wintermere Florida (it's a suburb of orlando, much like westerville is of columbus)
If I talk to rose, I'm talking to Kyle. He is my best friend after all. And if I talk to him what's stopping me from calling anyone else I know far away.
Let's see what happens. Maybe it's time I'm back in their lives, why was I too shy to call you Kyle I'll never know. I won't lose you a third time.
the anxiety is already getting to me, and it's only been five minutes! This is my foster mother for goodness sakes, they're like family! and kyle, stacy, and Chrissy are all like brothers, and sisters to me.
wintermere Florida (it's a suburb of orlando, much like westerville is of columbus)
If I talk to rose, I'm talking to Kyle. He is my best friend after all. And if I talk to him what's stopping me from calling anyone else I know far away.
Let's see what happens. Maybe it's time I'm back in their lives, why was I too shy to call you Kyle I'll never know. I won't lose you a third time.
the anxiety is already getting to me, and it's only been five minutes! This is my foster mother for goodness sakes, they're like family! and kyle, stacy, and Chrissy are all like brothers, and sisters to me.
birth siblings
I wrote this in school today.
My Half-sister
Oh Penny where are you
I wish to find you soon
You've disappeared with the wind
and I don't know where you are
I just hope it's not too far
I need to know you're alright
and not stuck in the night
so I'll look with all my might
'till you're in my sight
We are related after all
I wish to find you someday
No matter how far away
I couldn't search, to my dismay
but I can, as of today
you're my sister after all
that is what, I want to do
And I hope to find you soon
Wherever you've gone, Penny Sue
also to my knowledge I have a half brother, who would be around 2 years younger then I am. Penny is two years older then I am. all of us went into adoption.
My Half-sister
Oh Penny where are you
I wish to find you soon
You've disappeared with the wind
and I don't know where you are
I just hope it's not too far
I need to know you're alright
and not stuck in the night
so I'll look with all my might
'till you're in my sight
We are related after all
I wish to find you someday
No matter how far away
I couldn't search, to my dismay
but I can, as of today
you're my sister after all
that is what, I want to do
And I hope to find you soon
Wherever you've gone, Penny Sue
also to my knowledge I have a half brother, who would be around 2 years younger then I am. Penny is two years older then I am. all of us went into adoption.
17 May 2011
one more day
my adoption story, as told by my foster mom
Her adopted son, Kyle, would become my best friend. Too bad they moved away seven years ago. He's the only one who really understood me.
Her adopted son, Kyle, would become my best friend. Too bad they moved away seven years ago. He's the only one who really understood me.
16 May 2011
bzflag
I was informed yesterday, that it appears that 3.0 is abandoned, but the devs are now working on another version (2.4 I believe) I looked at sourceforge, and the devs are on a roll.
come to speak of bzflag, it just seemed dull the last two days...
6 days now... I can't let my gaurd down. he's waiting, he wants me to fall in again. I won the battle, but the war's just begun. I Can't lose... not now.
I was trapped with no end in sight
it had me in it's grasp
with no hope to fight it.
for I was in my weakest place
and beginning to be overwhelmed
and this was something that I would not face
and so I gave it up to God
and soon I made it through
filled with him I knew what to do
I went after It's symbol
For an hour I was being torn inside
I thank the Lord, that he got me through
For I was able to accomplish my goal
The symbol is now gone.
Destroyed in the place where I was weakest
It will never be the same.
But I still have a long way to go
I feel a change long overdue, I feel much different then I did. I'm on fire. There comes a time when we all are faced with a situation like mine, and we have to choose between God, and him. I chose God, and did not falter. Hope, is what I have once again.
But my biggest fear is that some may not forgive me for what I've done, which is why I'm very reluctant to share what I did, or the fact I did something at all. Plus, I'm not friends with many people, not closely at least. (less then 5). And the only one I would completely trust I haven't seen in over 7 years! Because of my lack of friends I don't want to lose them, or be judged... But nothing was worse then the guilt, and shame I have towards myself. It doesn't help when you kept thinking about your struggle with this constantly for over a year. It's gradually worn me down. It's why I'm so energetic, and happy now.
Cheers, Chris
come to speak of bzflag, it just seemed dull the last two days...
6 days now... I can't let my gaurd down. he's waiting, he wants me to fall in again. I won the battle, but the war's just begun. I Can't lose... not now.
I was trapped with no end in sight
it had me in it's grasp
with no hope to fight it.
for I was in my weakest place
and beginning to be overwhelmed
and this was something that I would not face
and so I gave it up to God
and soon I made it through
filled with him I knew what to do
I went after It's symbol
For an hour I was being torn inside
I thank the Lord, that he got me through
For I was able to accomplish my goal
The symbol is now gone.
Destroyed in the place where I was weakest
It will never be the same.
But I still have a long way to go
I feel a change long overdue, I feel much different then I did. I'm on fire. There comes a time when we all are faced with a situation like mine, and we have to choose between God, and him. I chose God, and did not falter. Hope, is what I have once again.
But my biggest fear is that some may not forgive me for what I've done, which is why I'm very reluctant to share what I did, or the fact I did something at all. Plus, I'm not friends with many people, not closely at least. (less then 5). And the only one I would completely trust I haven't seen in over 7 years! Because of my lack of friends I don't want to lose them, or be judged... But nothing was worse then the guilt, and shame I have towards myself. It doesn't help when you kept thinking about your struggle with this constantly for over a year. It's gradually worn me down. It's why I'm so energetic, and happy now.
Cheers, Chris
15 May 2011
Pets
Here's pictures of pets
Not pictured: Smokey
Age: 16
Status: Deseased
Cause: Kidney failure
Date of death: Friday of the week of September 11 2001
Notes: He was the first cat that I lost, the only one we lost before we lived where we are currently living, which we moved to when I was 10 (in June of that year, so it was 2003). I think we got him because while the construction of the house we used to live in, his mother was gaurding them, and I'm not sure what happened, but someone shot her I think, and so my parents took smokey, and I believe some others took his siblings in. He and I had our difficulties, but he tolerated me. My parents where especially displeased with me when I cut his whiskers off, when I was 6 years old. (if not 6 then very young). I didn't know any better, I just thought, and I remember basically thinking "his whiskers look very long, and look like they need cut... ... I should cut them". I never did that again, after my parents told me why I shouldn't/ why they didn't need to be cut. heh oops on my part, that's for sure :)
Name: Cinnamon
Age: 17-19
Status: Deceased
Cause: Kidney failure
Date of death: September 2005
Notes: She was my favorite cat, even though she only stayed in the basement. A loving cat, who loved everyone. I My parents got her, after seeing smokey looking lonely, but I don't know what the date was. She was strong to the end, not showing her bad state, until one day I found her behind the box she slept in, wandering behind it in a circle, not apprearing to know. We took her to the vet, but the next day she was gone. it hit me a bit hard when she died. But, another cat has taken the role of being my favorite, and maybe even more so in some regards.
Name: Jewlie
Age: Approx. 6
Statues: Deceased
Cause: Euthanized
Date of death: Sept. 2007 perhaps? 2008?
Notes: My mom encountered jewlie when she was unloading grocery bags from her car, and jewlie stuck here head under my mom's arm. Later after 2 weeks we adopted her. We had her for 2 years. She was the only doh we ever had, and I think my prejudiced thinking of dogs came out, in the form of non appriciation. This I would learn two years later in september. Jewlie broke her leg, and the vet found that she had bone cancer spread all throughout her body. weighing the options, and great lack of chances of surgical success combined with the outcome, we had her euthonize. She was in a great ammount of pain due to the broken leg/ cancer. She had to be carried into our car on her bed, when we originally took her to the vet. I shed some tears due to the fact I realized I hadn't appriciated the time with her, and knew I couldn't get it back. I felt shame at myself, but wuth Cinnamon, I did shed more tears, but I knew I had relatively appriciated my time with her.
This is hope, age 9. We got her a little after tiger. We didn't actually plan to get a cat with tiger. We were visiting lake hope, and one of my parents was putting something in the dumpster, and saw hope, we took her with us when we left. That's why she's named hope. Spayed, and frequently needs medication for the cat equivalent of the sniffles.
This is our cat tiger. at least 9 years old. We got him a little after the week of Sep. 11 2001.
His tail is a little strange, I think I remember something about his tail, possibly being ran over, or something when He was young. (before we got him). Recently suffered seizures in which he appeared conscious throughout. He's on some anti-seizure medication. He's a bit of a chuncky cat, but I don't think he weighs the most. I believe you can telll why he's named tiger. ;)
Neutered, and picked out by my parents.
This is Sneaky, he's around 16 years old. My parents got heim a few months after adopting me, which took a year and half but that's a story for a different time. My mom took, me and planned on getting a goldfish, and came home with Sneaky. He's a pretty big goldfish if I do say so myself ;)
He's thinning I believe, which is most likely a sign of a progression of kidney disease.
The oldest cat we have right now. he's neutered as well.
This Patch, age 5-6. We got him after my mom's knee surgery. We actually waited in a park, until cat welfare opened, and then we went to get a cat. Going was my dad's idea, I'm guessing. Patch was the only cat I picked out, but my parent named him. He's my favorite cat. He frequently sits in the chair next to me when I'm using the computer, which he's doing right now. *Chris looks at the chair*. Right now he appears to be resting. He's very loyal as my dad says which is very unusual for a cat. I actually switched sleeping spot over the course of a year before, and he would sleep on the bed I was, for a bit (not sure how long he stayed after I fell asleep). Possibly weighs the most, due to his muscular build. He's the dominant cat in our house. *chris leans back and pets patch after drinking some chocolate milk* Neutered. I also call him patchy, and "ps-ps" when I call him (like pst, but without a t at the end).
This is Mai, approx. 5 years old. We got them in September '05. We were just going to get her "Ms. Bigeyes, as she looked then, but then we saw her brother, who was about to be seperated from his last sibling, Mai. So, I said something, and ended up getting him, socks as well. Picked out by my parent/named by them. She was named after the US woman soccer player Mai Hamm, due to her appearance playing with ping pong balls, knocking it back and forth. Spayed, and doesn't like me.
Socks, Mai's brother, around 5 years old. Named/basically picked by my parents. Quite shy, and skiddish avoiding any floor but the basement. He is very difficult to find when he's not in his usually (openly known) location. When I was looking to take his picture he wasn't there, so I was going back upstairs after failing to find him (I quickly looked after we wasn't in one of these locations), and I just saw him sitting behind this object. Neutered, and named socks because sneakers was already taken.
I know one thing...
I have a soft spot for little kittens.
As a side note I'm beginning to read a book called "Join the Club" by Tina Rosenberg
I'm not sure of her religious views though. I think the book was released in March of this year.
It's about how the use of peer pressure can change the world, and break bad habits, even those habits people know are self-desructive, but still won't stop. Which they don't stop, no matter how much information they have.
Not pictured: Smokey
Age: 16
Status: Deseased
Cause: Kidney failure
Date of death: Friday of the week of September 11 2001
Notes: He was the first cat that I lost, the only one we lost before we lived where we are currently living, which we moved to when I was 10 (in June of that year, so it was 2003). I think we got him because while the construction of the house we used to live in, his mother was gaurding them, and I'm not sure what happened, but someone shot her I think, and so my parents took smokey, and I believe some others took his siblings in. He and I had our difficulties, but he tolerated me. My parents where especially displeased with me when I cut his whiskers off, when I was 6 years old. (if not 6 then very young). I didn't know any better, I just thought, and I remember basically thinking "his whiskers look very long, and look like they need cut... ... I should cut them". I never did that again, after my parents told me why I shouldn't/ why they didn't need to be cut. heh oops on my part, that's for sure :)
Name: Cinnamon
Age: 17-19
Status: Deceased
Cause: Kidney failure
Date of death: September 2005
Notes: She was my favorite cat, even though she only stayed in the basement. A loving cat, who loved everyone. I My parents got her, after seeing smokey looking lonely, but I don't know what the date was. She was strong to the end, not showing her bad state, until one day I found her behind the box she slept in, wandering behind it in a circle, not apprearing to know. We took her to the vet, but the next day she was gone. it hit me a bit hard when she died. But, another cat has taken the role of being my favorite, and maybe even more so in some regards.
Name: Jewlie
Age: Approx. 6
Statues: Deceased
Cause: Euthanized
Date of death: Sept. 2007 perhaps? 2008?
Notes: My mom encountered jewlie when she was unloading grocery bags from her car, and jewlie stuck here head under my mom's arm. Later after 2 weeks we adopted her. We had her for 2 years. She was the only doh we ever had, and I think my prejudiced thinking of dogs came out, in the form of non appriciation. This I would learn two years later in september. Jewlie broke her leg, and the vet found that she had bone cancer spread all throughout her body. weighing the options, and great lack of chances of surgical success combined with the outcome, we had her euthonize. She was in a great ammount of pain due to the broken leg/ cancer. She had to be carried into our car on her bed, when we originally took her to the vet. I shed some tears due to the fact I realized I hadn't appriciated the time with her, and knew I couldn't get it back. I felt shame at myself, but wuth Cinnamon, I did shed more tears, but I knew I had relatively appriciated my time with her.
This is hope, age 9. We got her a little after tiger. We didn't actually plan to get a cat with tiger. We were visiting lake hope, and one of my parents was putting something in the dumpster, and saw hope, we took her with us when we left. That's why she's named hope. Spayed, and frequently needs medication for the cat equivalent of the sniffles.
This is our cat tiger. at least 9 years old. We got him a little after the week of Sep. 11 2001.
His tail is a little strange, I think I remember something about his tail, possibly being ran over, or something when He was young. (before we got him). Recently suffered seizures in which he appeared conscious throughout. He's on some anti-seizure medication. He's a bit of a chuncky cat, but I don't think he weighs the most. I believe you can telll why he's named tiger. ;)
Neutered, and picked out by my parents.
This is Sneaky, he's around 16 years old. My parents got heim a few months after adopting me, which took a year and half but that's a story for a different time. My mom took, me and planned on getting a goldfish, and came home with Sneaky. He's a pretty big goldfish if I do say so myself ;)
He's thinning I believe, which is most likely a sign of a progression of kidney disease.
The oldest cat we have right now. he's neutered as well.
This Patch, age 5-6. We got him after my mom's knee surgery. We actually waited in a park, until cat welfare opened, and then we went to get a cat. Going was my dad's idea, I'm guessing. Patch was the only cat I picked out, but my parent named him. He's my favorite cat. He frequently sits in the chair next to me when I'm using the computer, which he's doing right now. *Chris looks at the chair*. Right now he appears to be resting. He's very loyal as my dad says which is very unusual for a cat. I actually switched sleeping spot over the course of a year before, and he would sleep on the bed I was, for a bit (not sure how long he stayed after I fell asleep). Possibly weighs the most, due to his muscular build. He's the dominant cat in our house. *chris leans back and pets patch after drinking some chocolate milk* Neutered. I also call him patchy, and "ps-ps" when I call him (like pst, but without a t at the end).
This is Mai, approx. 5 years old. We got them in September '05. We were just going to get her "Ms. Bigeyes, as she looked then, but then we saw her brother, who was about to be seperated from his last sibling, Mai. So, I said something, and ended up getting him, socks as well. Picked out by my parent/named by them. She was named after the US woman soccer player Mai Hamm, due to her appearance playing with ping pong balls, knocking it back and forth. Spayed, and doesn't like me.
Socks, Mai's brother, around 5 years old. Named/basically picked by my parents. Quite shy, and skiddish avoiding any floor but the basement. He is very difficult to find when he's not in his usually (openly known) location. When I was looking to take his picture he wasn't there, so I was going back upstairs after failing to find him (I quickly looked after we wasn't in one of these locations), and I just saw him sitting behind this object. Neutered, and named socks because sneakers was already taken.
I know one thing...
I have a soft spot for little kittens.
As a side note I'm beginning to read a book called "Join the Club" by Tina Rosenberg
I'm not sure of her religious views though. I think the book was released in March of this year.
It's about how the use of peer pressure can change the world, and break bad habits, even those habits people know are self-desructive, but still won't stop. Which they don't stop, no matter how much information they have.
14 May 2011
interests
Here's some things I like to do:
================================
-Chess (It's fun) there's a chess website I used called chess hotel
as Tanx
------------------
Games played 296
Won games 121
Lost games 171
Draws 4
Rank 1302
-------------------
Tanx is the username I started under, I got progressively better and then I made Chrile, so Tanx includes my learning process games, while chrile has less of those.
and my second username chrile
------------------
Games played 95
Won games 49
Lost games 44
Draws 2
Rank 1515
------------------
you start with a elo rank of 1200
chrile's is high because I play against players who have a higher elo then I do. so if I lose, I'll lose less points, but if I win I'll gain more, but the opponents will be more difficult
I personal enjoy chess, since it makes you think. Chess Hotel is an online chess game against other players, It's the best chess site I know of.
-puzzles (every once in awhile, I like the 3d ones more)
-cards (euchre, hearts, spades [those type of card games])
-origami (even put some in my grandma, and grandpa's caskets at their funerals, my way of saying goodbye)
-thinking (I like thinking out loud as well)
-figuring out how things work (I killed a computer once... my dad was not too happy about that *chris rubs the back of his neck, while smiling sheepishly*
=================================
I also kinda like the website http://www.sporcle.com/
It's a site with quizzes relating to science, math, geography, ect.
While my dad gets into the sports teams, I know how they do, but for the most part I never really watch them, much. I've sometimes wondered how much better the world would be if most people (those that do get into the sports teams) would cut the time they watch them in half.
The thing I really wish would be cut out of sports are those "fantasy teams", now that's a bad waste of time, and relatively pointless. I may watch say 4-8 complete football games a year (that includes college football as well). That's basically all I watch, somewhat with intrest. I really admired Ohio state football coach Jim tressel, but after the violations I'm not sure what to think. Before that I admired the Christian example he set.
I also know I don't particularly like the downtown city, way too many people, and cars, and hardly any nature at all. I love nature, his creation is so much better then whatever we try to replace it with. That's why I love Lake hope, you have your family, and nature, and the tv, but we only used that at night, the rest of the time we were outside the cabin, enjoying nature. I loved every minute of it. I also enjoyed the car ride there, watching the land go by. Spring, and fall are the best times to go.
I could also see myself in the distant future living somewhere surrounded by nature... Now that would be great.
on a completely separate note I think Spring is the best season.
and even more random... I wonder when my praying mantises will hatch. I love them, they're so neat. Though raising one from nymph to adulthood can be tiresome. It can be difficult to get food for the little ones. I remember when I used to go into thorns to search for the eggsacks, that was fun... I still don't know what in the world possessed me to dress in a tank-top and shorts one year when I went to search for them. I always made sure I left at least four. This terrain was perfect for them so I could always count on many surviving to adulthood. I can't do this anymore due to the fact that this terrain was turned into storage... it made me sad, and a bit upset when I learned that a few years back, now I have to order them. This could be my last year raising them for awhile, and the last two years I've failed to raise one to adulthood. But, last year the mantid just failed his final molt, which was quite frustrating, but it happens. I've seen my share of funny praying mantis' though. I also got one to mate one time, and the male didn't get turned into lunch for the female. fortunately for him. I also got one to last until Christmas one year. It died the next day though.
as a side note: my eyes are continuing to lose their focus, and it's getting a bit annoying, and it's only 3:41 PM...
================================
-Chess (It's fun) there's a chess website I used called chess hotel
as Tanx
------------------
Games played 296
Won games 121
Lost games 171
Draws 4
Rank 1302
-------------------
Tanx is the username I started under, I got progressively better and then I made Chrile, so Tanx includes my learning process games, while chrile has less of those.
and my second username chrile
------------------
Games played 95
Won games 49
Lost games 44
Draws 2
Rank 1515
------------------
you start with a elo rank of 1200
chrile's is high because I play against players who have a higher elo then I do. so if I lose, I'll lose less points, but if I win I'll gain more, but the opponents will be more difficult
I personal enjoy chess, since it makes you think. Chess Hotel is an online chess game against other players, It's the best chess site I know of.
-puzzles (every once in awhile, I like the 3d ones more)
-cards (euchre, hearts, spades [those type of card games])
-origami (even put some in my grandma, and grandpa's caskets at their funerals, my way of saying goodbye)
-thinking (I like thinking out loud as well)
-figuring out how things work (I killed a computer once... my dad was not too happy about that *chris rubs the back of his neck, while smiling sheepishly*
=================================
I also kinda like the website http://www.sporcle.com/
It's a site with quizzes relating to science, math, geography, ect.
While my dad gets into the sports teams, I know how they do, but for the most part I never really watch them, much. I've sometimes wondered how much better the world would be if most people (those that do get into the sports teams) would cut the time they watch them in half.
The thing I really wish would be cut out of sports are those "fantasy teams", now that's a bad waste of time, and relatively pointless. I may watch say 4-8 complete football games a year (that includes college football as well). That's basically all I watch, somewhat with intrest. I really admired Ohio state football coach Jim tressel, but after the violations I'm not sure what to think. Before that I admired the Christian example he set.
I also know I don't particularly like the downtown city, way too many people, and cars, and hardly any nature at all. I love nature, his creation is so much better then whatever we try to replace it with. That's why I love Lake hope, you have your family, and nature, and the tv, but we only used that at night, the rest of the time we were outside the cabin, enjoying nature. I loved every minute of it. I also enjoyed the car ride there, watching the land go by. Spring, and fall are the best times to go.
I could also see myself in the distant future living somewhere surrounded by nature... Now that would be great.
on a completely separate note I think Spring is the best season.
and even more random... I wonder when my praying mantises will hatch. I love them, they're so neat. Though raising one from nymph to adulthood can be tiresome. It can be difficult to get food for the little ones. I remember when I used to go into thorns to search for the eggsacks, that was fun... I still don't know what in the world possessed me to dress in a tank-top and shorts one year when I went to search for them. I always made sure I left at least four. This terrain was perfect for them so I could always count on many surviving to adulthood. I can't do this anymore due to the fact that this terrain was turned into storage... it made me sad, and a bit upset when I learned that a few years back, now I have to order them. This could be my last year raising them for awhile, and the last two years I've failed to raise one to adulthood. But, last year the mantid just failed his final molt, which was quite frustrating, but it happens. I've seen my share of funny praying mantis' though. I also got one to mate one time, and the male didn't get turned into lunch for the female. fortunately for him. I also got one to last until Christmas one year. It died the next day though.
as a side note: my eyes are continuing to lose their focus, and it's getting a bit annoying, and it's only 3:41 PM...
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